I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There are leaves in my underwear?
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