1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
