He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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