ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
