Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
