You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
