The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
