bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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