You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize