It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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