piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
