you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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