Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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