yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize