dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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