Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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