i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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