I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
