I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
