I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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