How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
