Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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