Cold hands, warm shart.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
