this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
