i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
