one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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