i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize