If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
