i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize