Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
