i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
