i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
