Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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