YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
