Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
