Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
