after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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