It was confusing and full of hummus
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
