Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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