just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
