were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize