smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
