Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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