I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
