she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize