tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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