Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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