We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
