I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
