I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
