Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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