Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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