Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
