My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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