i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
