So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
