We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
