i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
