her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im part way to drunk.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
