I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
