Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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