i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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