You just made me feel so damn special
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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