But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
