I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
