how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
