i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
